If you are sitting here today feeling guilty or anxious for the coming holiday, watch my video. Know that you are not alone. Know that you do not have to settle for a mother who never really was a mother to you. Honor those in your life who really cared for you and were really there for you, who met your needs, not the parent who was thrust upon you. Holidays have a habit of enabling the poor habits of unhealthy relationships by guilting us into thinking we need to honor our parents, even if those parents never really honored us. Even when our parents never really acted as parents. You do not have to.

Be happy for those who have a good relationship with their mother. Be there with them and live vicariously if you want to. Honor those who have really cared for you throughout your life. Do not honor the dishonorable. You are worth more than that, and you do not need to cater to the whims of society and your poor parentage. Ignore the day outright if that is where you are. Try not to let the guilt or shame of your situation bring you down, because you don’t deserve it. It is not your fault.

And if you have a mother to honor, thank her ever more fervently, because the reality is: not all of us do. Above all else, be true to yourself and your feelings. You are not alone.

There is love out there. And certainly, we have much to give. If mother’s day becomes a reason to celebrate your feelings for a maternal figure, do it. If mother’s day becomes a day to stand up for yourself against the oppression of a narcissistic or otherwise unavailable “parent”, do it. If mother’s day is simply a day to ignore because it simply doesn’t apply to you, do it. In any case, know that this does not need to be a day to feel bad about, self-pitying, angry, sad, whatever. Nor does it need to be some disgenuine occasion to throw all the issues under the rug, eat the proverbial shit, and play pretend that you and your mom are just dandy.

Be true to yourself, above all else, and love to all.

 

Image courtesy of https://lesbianpregnancyjourney.wordpress.com/tag/mothers-day/

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